Talking to Children about Tragedies in the News

During times of crisis and violence, whether temporary or ongoing, in your community, the U.S., or in other parts of the world, children and adolescents can have big feelings in response to the information and visuals they are seeing and hearing around them. While these tragedies indirectly impact some kids, others are deeply affected and experience trauma on a personal level. Regardless of how many degrees away they are from the violence, each child has a unique reaction to what is happening around them that warrants intentional conversation and support.

As parents and caregivers, we may be asking ourselves: How do we talk to our kids about these difficult events when there is often so much still unknown or unresolved, but there are graphic images and reports everywhere? How do we discuss events without retraumatizing ourselves and our children? How do we influence their future conversations and behaviors to ensure they are respectful and sensitive to other’s emotions and experiences?

While there is no easy answer, creating open lines of communication with kids to help educate them, age appropriately, and subsequently validating their feelings and reactions, and their peers,’ is a valuable place to start.

Below, pediatric psychologists from the Center for Childhood Resilience at Lurie Children’s offer tips on how to talk to kids about tragedies, instability and overwhelming news events. 

Proactively Talk to Your Child 

• If your child is old enough to be connected to social media or has friends that are, they likely already know when a crisis is under way. It is good to proactively ask them what they understand and correct as much misinformation as possible without dismissing their fears. Not talking about it can make an event seem even more frightening to a child, cause confusion and inadvertently encourage misunderstanding. We don’t want to foster numbing to avoid sadness or feelings of vulnerability.
• If you can, try to avoid having these conversations at nighttime, and remind them that you are always there to support and listen whenever they are worried.
• Remember that it’s perfectly fine for you not to have the answers to every question. It’s important to highlight that not all information online is correct; if you want to learn more, refer to reputable sources that offer diverse perspectives. Try to be mindful of the language you use and explain the situation as best as your child can understand. Don’t overshare. You know your child best.
• Even if conflicts are happening in distant places, they can still lead to discrimination in our own neighborhoods. Check in with your children to ensure they aren’t experiencing or contributing to bullying. If they’ve been bullied or called names at school, encourage them to talk to you or another trusted adult about it. Remind your kids that everyone deserves to feel safe at school and in the community. Bullying and discrimination are never okay, and it’s important for all of us to spread kindness and support one another.
• Share with children the importance of being empathic and a good citizen of the world. We can care for others while not knowing all the details or the people impacted personally. Sending goodwill to the world and then allowing adults to hold their worry and handle the conflict is key.
• Encourage them to share what they are feeling so you can help them sort through difficult emotions. Look for opportunities to correct any false information, magical thinking or self-blame. Children and teens may be strongly affected by what happened, or they might not be affected at all. It often depends on prior experiences and their age.
• Remind them that their peers, classmates and friends may be affected by the conflict in a deeper way. For older adolescents, encourage them to check in on their friends who might be having a more personal experience with the tragedy and be a listening ear.
• Understand what resources exist at your child’s school and remind them there are other trusted adults there to help should they need additional support throughout the school day.

Manage News & Media Exposure

• Limit the amount of news coverage they see, including time spent on social media, and ask them what they are seeing/hearing and if they have questions. There is often lots of video with graphic images circulating that can be traumatizing to witness. Adults do not need to see this more than once (if they do at all) and kids certainly should not.
• Be mindful of your conversations with other adults; look for private spaces away from curious ears.

Offer Support & Be An Example

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) emphasizes that having safe, stable, and nurturing adults is the most important protective factor for children and young people in the face of stress and adversity.

• The better you’re coping, the better able you’ll be to help your children cope. Try to take the lead on lowering your own stress and anxiety by turning off the TV, actively engaging in competing behaviors that bring joy or soothe nerves, like connecting with your community or spending time outside. Comfort and reassure kids that you and other adults are working together to keep them safe, and that the world is full of helpers.
• When you see something that goes against your values, point out to youth how they can be active allies.
• Ask them if there is some kind of positive action they would like to be involved with, like helping to raise funds for a charity, doing something to provide support to children impacted, share a story of progress, or engage in gestures of shared grieving (e.g. lighting a candle, saying a prayer).
• It is usually best to continue with your usual routines as much as possible, but it can be appropriate to relax the rules.
• Find ways to de-stress and decompress as a family. During these times, alongside grief, pain, and anger, moments of joy and laughter are healthy and helpful.
• Seek professional help if you or your child are having a severe and/or prolonged reaction to the event. Your pediatrician is an excellent resource for guidance.

For more tips, watch a Facebook Live chat with Colleen Cicchetti, PhD, and Tara Gill, PhD, Lurie Children’s pediatric psychologists and experts in treatment for children who have been exposed to trauma. In this video, they offer helpful guidance for talking to kids about violent events.

Additional Resources:

• UNICEF Parenting’s “How to Talk to Your Children about Conflict and War”  
• National Child Traumatic Stress Network’s “Talking to Children about War”
• National Child Traumatic Stress Network's "Assisting Parents and Caregivers in Coping with Collective Traumas"
• Center for Childhood Resilience at Lurie Children’s Caregiver & Provider Resources  

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